


Five Years

by halfwit



Series: In Sickness and In Health [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: I cried writing it, I won't lie this is sad, M/M, One Shot, Sad Castiel, Scared Castiel, Scared Dean, Sick Dean, Sick Dean Winchester, cancer fic, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 22:04:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4279578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfwit/pseuds/halfwit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel and Dean meet with Benny and get some news about Dean's health and his prognosis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Years

**Author's Note:**

> I've been sick with migraines for the past two days, but this fic has been floating in my head for a while.

Castiel wondered if he had suddenly had a stroke. He had heard how people talk about strokes robbing people of their ability to comprehend simple sentences; that could be the only explanation that made sense to him right now, he was having a stroke. Or he was trapped in a nightmare from which he could not wake.

His chest felt tight with fear and he suddenly wasn’t able to take in enough air with each breath. This wasn’t happening.

He wondered if he should put his head between his legs, he’d read once that could help stave off a panic attack – maybe that was all this was. He looked to his right, and he saw Dean, his husband, sitting and chatting with Benny as though nothing was different. The two men were talking, their expressions somewhat more serious than usual, but their countenances didn’t seem like those talking about life and death.

“Ya alrigh’ there, brotha?” Benny’s southern drawl seemed to pierce through the haze surrounding Castiel.

“Cas?” Dean asked, his expression one of intense concern for Castiel. Why was he concerned for Castiel? He was fine, it was Dean who was not okay. Nothing was alright.

“No,” Castiel whispered, voice raw and hoarse as though he had been screaming for hours on end. “No.” He said again with a little more force.

Dean closed the distance between himself and his husband and wrapped his arms around the slightly smaller man in comfort.

“You know what, Ben,” Dean addressed his oncologist, “I’m gonna take Cas home. We have a lot to talk about. I’ll make a follow up and we’ll talk more then.”

The other doctor stood up, nodding at what Dean suggested.

Somehow, Castiel found himself bundled into his husband’s Impala. The familiar roar of the vehicle providing some small comfort to his frazzled nerves. The sound of the engine was as recognizable as his husband’s slight twang and deep voice.

“You okay over there, Cas?” Dean asked after a few moments, his voice breaking through Castiel’s thoughts.

“I don’t know what I am,” Castiel admitted.

Dean reached out a hand to interlock his fingers with his husband’s, squeezing gently.

“Do you want out?” Dean asked, voice husky and laced with a slight tremor of fear. “If this is too much to ask of you, I understand. I won’t hold it against you or think less of you.”

“Stop the car!” Castiel growled, angered by his husband’s words. He knew the other man spoke the words to provide an out, to provide security, but they only sparked his frustration and anger that had been lingering just beneath the surface.

“What?” Dean asked, confused at the hostility in the other man’s voice. “I’m not going to let you out of the car in the middle of the highway, Cas.”

“Stop the goddamn car right now, Dean Winchester,” Castiel commanded, sounding like the avenging angel he was named after.

“Okay, okay, don’t get your panties in a bunch,” Dean said, signaling to pull over to the emergency clearing in the road and allowing the car to roll to a gentle stop.

Once the car was stopped, Dean switched off the engine and turned to fully face his husband. He blinked in surprise at the barely contained fury he saw illuminating the normally placid, sapphire blue eyes.

“Cas?” Dean questioned nervously. “What’s up?”

“What’s up? What’s up?” Castiel fumed. He wanted to tear something apart. He wanted to wreak havoc and devestation. He wanted others to feel his pain. He needed to be able to come to terms with his own pain. “How can you be so fucking calm about all this? Are you giving up? Do you want to die?”

Dean blanched at the venom in his husband’s words. He knew as Benny was speaking that the prognosis was not going to be easy for Castiel to hear – that was one of the reasons he wanted Benny to be the one to tell them both together – but he didn’t quite expect his husband to be this furious.

“No, babe,” Dean said, uncertain if he should reach out to touch the man in front of him who was practically vibrating with anger. “But, I am a resident, and I have done my own research. I was hoping for better news than what Benny had to say, but I knew this was a possibility.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Castiel countered, anger focusing his words like a whip in the otherwise silence of the car.

“No,” Dean said, hearing the slight hoarseness in his voice and his throat closed. He needed to be strong; he needed to fight the tears. “I’m not okay with it. But, I’m not giving up. I promised you when we got married that I would spend a lifetime with you. I still intend to do that.”

At his husband’s words, Castiel felt his anger dissipate as pollen on a breeze, but the desperation and fear at what they had been told still remained.

“I don’t know what to do, Dean,” Castiel admitted, his posture slumping in defeat. “I love you more than I ever thought I would love anyone in my life, and I know you hate to hear that because you say it’s too much of a ‘chick flick,’ but it’s true. And, I don’t know how to come to terms with the fact that I might only have you for five years.”

“C’mon Cas,” Dean cajoled, trying to keep his own fears under control. He needed to be strong right now, for both of them. He had a few days to deal with the news, this was fresh to Castiel.

What Benny had told them was that for people who had Dean’s stage of gastric cancer, the five-year prognosis was fifty-seven percent, coupled with the fact that this was a recurrence of the cancer for Dean, Benny thought his odds would be a little less than that. It broke Castiel’s heart to know that the love of his life, his strong, brave husband could be gone in less than five years. He didn’t know how to process that.

There was so much that Castiel wanted with Dean. He wanted them to travel to Europe and take a proper honeymoon – not the abbreviated one they took so both of them could get back to school. He wanted a chance for Dean to meet their nieces and nephews when they had them, and maybe even adopt a few kids of their own. All of those dreams seemed so far-fetched at the moment. Right now, he was faced with the very real possibility that he would be a widower in five –years. The images of Dean lying dead in a coffin assailed him every time he closed his eyes, even just to blink for a moment. The pain was too fresh.

Seeing the warring emotions flitting across Castiel’s handsome features, Dean unbuckled his seat belt – grateful, not for the first time, at the Impala’s bench seats – and slid across the faded leather to gather his husband into his arms. That first touch was enough to have Castiel turn, sobbing into his husband’s shoulder.

“God dammit, Dean,” Castiel raged, weakly striking out to punch the taller man in the shoulder, while at the same time clutching with the other hand to pull Dean closer, to never let him go. “Why does this have to happen to you? You don’t deserve it. I don’t want to lose you. I won’t lose you.”

“Shh, baby,” Dean tried to soothe, his own fears beginning to get the better of him in the face of his husband’s terror and pain. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“You don’t know that,” Castiel sobbed, tears streaming unchecked down his face, eyes already reddened.

“I have to believe that,” Dean said, his own battle against his tears lost in the wake of his husband’s pain. “We have to keep fighting.”

“I need you,” Castiel blubbered, unable to filter what he was saying, and not wanting to. In this moment, he didn’t care that he was giving voice to all his fears; he needed this release. “I love you so much. You are such a good man. I don’t want to be without you.”

Dean pulled Castiel tighter, holding him close and trying to ground himself by breathing in the familiar scent of the coconut shampoo that the other man still insisted on using, even though his hair hadn’t grown back in from where he shaved it, yet. Both men, just sat there and held on tight to one another, taking and receiving comfort from the solid prescence of the other.

“I’m not leaving you, Dean,” Castiel said, sometime later, after his tears had slowed and his brain was able to function more clearly. “I’m terrified at what is to come, but no matter what, I’m not leaving you.”

“I love you, Castiel,” Dean said, pulling back and kissing his best friend, his husband, the love of his life gently on the lips. “I would give anything to spend a lifetime with you, but if all we get is the next five years, then let’s try to live a lifetime in that span.”

Castiel blinked back a fresh wave of tears at his husband’s words, but steeled himself all the same. He was going to be strong for his husband.

“I love you, too, Dean,” Castiel said, giving the other man a watery smile. “We’re gonna kick this in the ass and get more than five years; but, if that’s all we got, let’s make them count.”

“Now you’re talking,” Dean said, trying to give his husband a rakish grin and only somewhat succeeding.

The two men leaned in and gave each other another soft kiss, a kiss not about passion so much as a reaffirming of their love for one another; a kiss of support. Reluctantly, Dean moved away from his husband and re-seated himself in front of the wheel.

“Let’s go home,” he said, squeezing his love’s hand.

Castiel turned on the radio and let Dean’s favorite classic rock tunes be a balm on both of them as they prepared for what the next few months had in store for them.

**Author's Note:**

> I have to say, I originally intended this as a shorter little drabble, but it ended up taking on a little bit of a life of its own. Dean has a long road to haul, and it is going to be a little more difficult this time around than what he had the first time.
> 
> As with before, some of the medical stuff, I do know from first hand knowledge with my mother, other things I have researched to be as thorough as possible; however, as with all things, this is a work of fiction and I have taken some license with the medical terms and technicalities to make them fit my own little realm, so not everything is exactly as it would be in the real world.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed. I have a couple more fics planned for this verse before I finish it. Love to you all and thank you to everyone who has stuck with me to this point.


End file.
